This last Monday we were able to go to court and have our hearing to make Karlis adoption final. What a relief! It's been a long 6 months in that aspect but our time with her has also gone by so fast! I can't believe my little baby is in 9-12 mos clothes(actually there's nothing "little" about her). Every time I go through her drawers it makes me sad to pack up the ones that no longer fit her. Each and every day is more fun with her and to see her little personality forming is priceless. It's amazing that something so small and that can't even talk can just make you melt. She's perfect for our family and there's no doubt in my mind that she was always meant to be with us. What an amazing thing adoption is! I'm so grateful for our birth parents and the selfless decision they made just over 6 months ago.
If I have learned anything from this whole experience it has definitely been to have some faith. And believe me it was tested to the max when we had to make the decision to know if Karli was supposed to be our baby. I went home and just cried about it because it wasn't your "ideal" adoption. Jason felt that she/he (didn't know if it was a girl or boy yet) belonged with us. I however was scared to death that this baby would be handicap and have all kinds of deformities. I knew that I wouldn't be a good enough mother to a baby with those kinds of problems. Then Jason's dad told me the story of this woman who was expecting Christ to come by her house one day so she started cleaning her house when there was a knock on her door. It was a homeless man who asked her for some food, she looked at him and told him that she was too busy and she wouldn't be able to help him. She got back to her work when a few hours later there was another knock on her door, this time she opened the door to find a small child. He asked her if he could come in and borrow something. She looked at the child and again said she was unable to help him. While still getting ready for her visit from the Savior there was a third knock on her door. This time it was an elderly lady who asked the woman if she could come in to get warm. The woman told her she was too busy and that she was unable to help her. Later that night the woman was talking to Christ and asked him where he had been all day as she had been anticipating his visit. Christ looked at her and said "I've already been to your house 3 times and you've turned me away each time".
After I heard that I couldn't stop thinking about it knowing that this could be a test for us and what if I was the woman in the story and I was the one turning this baby away for selfish reasons? That story was just eating at me and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew at that point deep in my heart the Lord wouldn't give me anything that I couldn't handle so whatever problem(s) this baby may have- I could handle it! After making up our mind to accept this baby I was completely comforted. I knew everything would be ok no matter what happened. Once Karli was born everything about this sweet spirited baby tested perfect. How could I have been so selfish? Why did I deserve such a perfect baby with no problems whatsoever? I'm so glad that my stubborness didn't win and that we were so blessed with such an amazing child. Karli I love you with all my heart, you truly are my angel.
December 17-23, 2018
5 years ago
